Random Rambles

"And I know you've gone away but in my heart you'll always stay.."

I was told that I shouldn't go listening to songs that make me choke on my tears, that make me think about the bad things that have happened, because it'll just drag me down. I guess it does seem like a bad idea on the surface, but for me, perhaps because I love such a lot of music with strong meaningful lyrics, it seems to help me. It gives me a four minute block of time when I'm allowed to sit and think, cry if I need to, and then push it all to the back of my mind again. Just four minutes, or eight minutes, or twelve, or however long I need each time to temporarily get my sadness out of my system again. Losing my grandpa was one of the hardest times..I don't want to dwell on it. Actually, my grandpa wouldn't want me to; that makes me want to be able to stop all the more... but it's easier said than done. I don't think my grief will ever go away; it scares me sometimes, how many unresolved issues I still have, how much sadness is still there burrowed away inside me when I thought I cried it all away last time.

I should count myself lucky; most of the time, that all I need is time to cry a little, a hug if I can get one, so that I can move on until next time.

This is for you grandpa - you can fly with them now:)