What can you do when your best isn't good and all that you touch tumbles down? Because my best intentions keep making a mess of things. I just want to fix it somehow.

I'm really really trying to give my family the benifit of the doubt when I feel like im not important to them, but it kind of seems like I have always been the outcast in my own family, of course I dont feel this way from my Mom and dad but I cant help to notice that my sister and brother really just dont want anything to do with me. Its painful and ive tried to make-up for my mistakes in the past but no matter what I do or day to them I can never change the way they think about me in the present. I guess after three years you just finally come to the conclusion nothing will be the way it should be and I will remain feeling heartbroken. I have a new family now, and im glad to be accepted into a family as wonderful as Aarons, his brothers and sister in laws are amazing and Excepting! MY relationship with my family will never be the same and I have learned not to get my hopes up on any mending in the future. Sad..but true.

I have a weakness for anything sweet! but luckily I have been going strong and eating the right things, in the morning I have been eating Egg whites with fruit, salds for lunch with a low cal Italian dressing and chicken at night! Aaron has been super motivated as well! A couple days ago I put up little notes to stay motivated around the house, the say things like, " I promise to myself to walk 15 minutes a day, I wont drink anything but water, I want to be a trophy wife etc etc." he said that seeing them makes him want to me a trophy husband too! Hes struggling with letting go of his cheese but he hasnt had any all day today! :-) im so happy I have such a supportive fiancee! My friends are great to keep motivated too! Everything else is great were just excited to get out and move into our new apartment. Aaron has been working so much lately I feel like time has gone by so slow! I'm on a break from school as of right now so I do have time to focous on my self and getting in shape and I feel like I can finally shed off this baby fat...its been three years! :-) ANyways, I need to go to bed I took like 4 nyuills and I still cant sleep im pretty sure thats not good! Welp, Goodnight!

Dear friend,

God, I miss you.
I miss our long talks about everything and nothing, and how I could tell you anything in the world and you would just think about it and give me one of your funny responses, no matter how weird it was.
It seems like it's been so long. I want to know.
How's work?
How is the girlfriend, daughter ?
It's so strange... we talk, and it's suddenly like it hasn't been any time at all, but then after that talk ends, we fall out of each other's lives completely, like we live in separate realities. I don't want that.
I want to be close again, and become a big part of your life like before.

Love,
Me

I Want To Forgive You, And I Want To Forget You.

Today, I came across this girls blog, She has inspired me to really just be done with being overweight. It needs to be done for me. I have been putting my wedding off and changing dates because im scared that I wont look the way I want on the day of my wedding. I have decided to help me track my weightless I will blog at least once a day and let it out. I feel that this could be a great support for myself and maybe other girls who may want to so the same.


Anyways you guys need to check this girl out she makes you motivated to lose weight!

http://undressedskeleton.tumblr.com/beforeandafter

Life is so unpredictable. Changes always come along, in big or small ways. I don't know what happened that this sudden change has turned my world upside down. I don't know exactly what it is, it just hit me, but there is something really special about you.

It might be all the things I see on the surface, the things that everyone notices and admires about you, qualities, capabilities and a wonderful smile obviously connected to a warm and loving heart; these things set you apart from everyone else. But it may also be the big things ... the person you really are that I hope to know more someday. And it might also be the little things ... the way we laugh together. If I ever figure out the magic that makes you so special, I'd probably find out that it's a combination of all these things. You are a rare combination of so many special things. You are really amazing.

Inside of me there is a place where my sweetest dreams reside, where my highest hopes are kept alive, where my deepest feelings are felt and where my favorite memories are safe and warm. I find that you're on my mind more often than any other thought. Sometimes I bring you there purposely just to make my day brighter. But more often, you surprise me and find your own ways into my thoughts. There are even times when I awaken, I realize that you've been a part of my dreams. Then during the day, when my imagination is free to run, it takes me into your arms and allows me to linger there knowing there's nothing I'd rather do. I know my thoughts are only reflecting the loving hopes of my heart because whenever they wander, they always take me to you.

Only the most special things in my world get to come inside my heart and stay. And now, I realize how deeply my life has been touched by you.

Aaron and I are so excited! We just found our new apartment! We move in June 14th! Finally a little nook of our own! Its a nice basement apartment and guess what?! it has teal walls! Thats match everything else I have! Im super excited. The only bad thing is that is does not have washer or dryer, but thats what Mom and Pop Welch are good for right down the street! :-). Im Excited to get out of south provo and get up by college students, I want to make some new friends. Anyways heres a couple pictures of our new place!

This week I decided to buy extensions and make them! They were super easy so anyone who has been thinking about getting some extensions definitely look into making your own. There are a couple sites I would recommend if you want to just buy the sets and clips but they do get pricey. HeadKandy has some beautiful ones made from real human hair and I know a couple people that have these and love them. But they are about 200 dollars and I dont have that much to spare on just hair! SO I went into sally's beauty supply this week and bough Sassy s 100% human hair..



So all in all after buying the hair, needle, thread and clips I left the store about 56.00 dollars less but considering how much a set pre made would be (200.00) I saved tons. It was pretty easy to sew the clips on and they were done in about an hour! I made the hair int three pieces some do four but it just depends on what kind of look you want to get from them. Here is the finished product!