STORY TIME


So on Sunday on my way back to Utah - I got to the airport and was feeling really sick, and got to the hallway of my gate and fainted. Apparently when I went down I slammed my neck and head, so now its in a lot of pain and has not stopped hurting since. I feel like somebody took a hammer to my head and neck.

Luckily I have had a wonderful man to take care of me day and night, and I definitely have not been pleasant to him at all ill admit to that. Ive felt like such a meany to him and he doesnt deserve it! At least I got to take him to his favorite basketball team ( even though we left in the middle he still loved it and had a lot of fun!) and get him a cute new shirt (a mariners shirt). Anyways 0 ill have to make it up to him.. heres a couple pictures from the game, I kind of look crappy, I was puking all night and feeling REALLY sick :-(

Love yall

I met Aaron's Brother and his cute little family last night. I fell in love with these two precious little girls! here are some pictures! His brother Travis and Kandace are absolutely amazing! Im glad I cant be apart of such a wonderful family. I need one :-)

Here are some pictures of last night :-)

"And I know you've gone away but in my heart you'll always stay.."

I was told that I shouldn't go listening to songs that make me choke on my tears, that make me think about the bad things that have happened, because it'll just drag me down. I guess it does seem like a bad idea on the surface, but for me, perhaps because I love such a lot of music with strong meaningful lyrics, it seems to help me. It gives me a four minute block of time when I'm allowed to sit and think, cry if I need to, and then push it all to the back of my mind again. Just four minutes, or eight minutes, or twelve, or however long I need each time to temporarily get my sadness out of my system again. Losing my grandpa was one of the hardest times..I don't want to dwell on it. Actually, my grandpa wouldn't want me to; that makes me want to be able to stop all the more... but it's easier said than done. I don't think my grief will ever go away; it scares me sometimes, how many unresolved issues I still have, how much sadness is still there burrowed away inside me when I thought I cried it all away last time.

I should count myself lucky; most of the time, that all I need is time to cry a little, a hug if I can get one, so that I can move on until next time.

This is for you grandpa - you can fly with them now:)

Here are some pictures..and when I say some .. I mean some - I uploaded about 200 to my FB cant do that here...anyways. I miss my baby boy - hes getting so big and growing to be a great kid - I love him alot:)








Here are some pictures..and when I say some .. I mean some - I uploaded about 200 to my FB cant do that here...anyways. I miss my baby boy - hes getting so big and growing to be a great kid - I love him alot:)

Well this weekend I went to visit my family in southern California for my grandpa Bruce's funeral..it was the worst weekend ever. I got to see my son, that must have been just the best part...but even then there were things with in that that just added it to being horrible.

On a positive note, im glad that everyone in our family was all together even with drama crap that goes on. Not one person was missing. My grandpa would have loved it..and in spirit I know he did. My grandma bough these really neat butterflies, apparently they are doormant and you keep them in the fridge but you take them out about 2 hours before a ceremony or whatever you have going on and they come to life. My grandma bought 5 dozen for everyone to be able to get a little butterfly box and release it, She paid like $550 for them BUT in the end it was all worth it for sure. After my mom said a few words and a prayer was said we all as a family released these gorgeous butterflies into the sky (i Have a video) ..ahh.. I know my grandpa was there just around all of us. It didnt feel like he was gone.. I didnt feel sad..I felt at peace. He was all around us. & I know he still is :-)

Now im in the hotel room, really wishing I was in utah. I never thought I wouls miss it so much. There is just nothing positive here in california for me besides my son. I am tired of being judged and critisized, I ust want to be back where I am who I am and im LOVED for it.

Oh well I cant change how people feel or act.

Love ya'll - pictures and vids coming soon!

This week was pretty rough on me, On wednesday night Aaron and I went on date night! It was super fun, We went to Red Lobster - It was so good! Then we went to see Here after - It was about like 4 people who either became close to dying or had someone die, it was super good and about wondering where they go when they die. - Crazy enough after seeing that movie I recieved the news on thursday the 4th that my grandfather was very ill and we all were not sure how long he would last in this life. I called my grandma and told her I loved her and how much I loved grandpa. After I had gotten off the phone with my grandma, I prayed. Mind you I have not prayed since my son was born. I am not the religious type at all. I prayed and asked god to let him be out of pain, let me be okay with him leaving this earth and give me strength to not be so afftected by all of this... about one to two hours later my mom called me in tears letting me know that my grandpa has passed and that she loves me and knows how hard it must be for me. the worst part about all of this is that for the past two years we all knew that he was passing soon, and I remember everytime I stopped and thought about him dying I always thought how am I going to get through this? my grandpa was the most amazing throughtful man that I have ever known, he tought me so much in life, and treated me like gold. I will miss my grandpa so much, he was good man and I will never forget his beautiful smile and the times we spent together in the garden. Now he is in gods garden playing with his best friend and dog chesnut:). Rest in peace Grandpa I know you are happy where ever you may be

Even though the news of my grandfather really upset me, I went on and tried to have a good weekend with my fiance and friends. My good friend scott in back in utah for a couple of months and I got to go visit him with aaron for a little bit. I also got to video chat wirh aarons brother travis and his family they seem like very nice people and cant wait for them to get here and meet them!!!!!!!! :) Anyways me and aaron are cooking a very late breakfast.. love yall!

Right now im at school - Dont really want to do any school work so im updating my blog yeeeaaahh. Were almost done with 3rd term how crazy! Aaron and I have been so busy with stuff lately I feel like we never see eachother but at the same time we do lol. ANYWAYS muhh best friend Adrienne got a job with aaron at chrysalis so I get to see them both alot more :-). School is doing pretty good. I just found out that I have a C in freakin clinic. I swear my teacher just hates me. I just feel like her test are so unfair so :-(. Ehh whatever - Ill just kick ass on my final and pass this class. Today I was working on my acrylic trays - the other day I did one that was great and amazing but today I was failing horribly and just gave up bhaha. I dont know what else to talk about..im really bored..i guess ill go work on my oral presentation now...BARRRFFFFFF.

P.s I do not like Natalia comptons face!