Random Rambles

to my son
Jayden Thomas,

I have so much to say so please bear with me. It’s strange how life can twist and turn and your life-long fantasy of how things should be just drifts away with the next breeze that blows by. I wanted the perfect life for you. I wanted to be able to give you everything and anything you wanted. Your father and I both love you very much, although we may not have been the best parents so far, I promise you, I will be there for you always. I am so sorry the way things turned out, I always pictured having a little family in a nice home, and being able to take care of my only child. But life sometimes doesnt always turn out the way you want it too. Either way, we take what we have and we live the life were given. Life has given me you, and YOU are the biggest blessing in my life. What I do want you to know is that your father is not a bad person, he did some things that were not honest and right he is NOT a bad person, I will never keep you from having a relationship with him, I feel like thats your decision not mine. You’re young now, but you’ re strong and beautiful and perfect. One day, you’re going to grow up and you’ll think back on these times, and you’ll remember that I wasn't always around and I couldn't be with you the first few years, but I do hope you know that the times I spent away from you are the times I was growing to become a better parent to you. As you grow, there might be days you’re going to be angry with me for leaving you or for not giving you both a mom and a dad but and I want you to know that’s okay. It’s okay to be angry. I’m angry sometimes myself. Just promise me that when you are angry you talk to me and not keep it bottled in. I will never hide things from you and I will never lie to you. I know how it feels, I have been where you are and I am so sorry. I know you wont be able to understand this letter while your young but someday, I hope you will find some wisdom and value in what I am about to share with you. You are little now, but someday when you get older life with throw you disappoint, heartache, loneliness, struggles and pain into your path. Be happy that your not at that point yet, enjoy every minute of you childhood, because when you lose it you will want it back. I hope someday along your life I can help by sharing what I’ve learned, but take it with a grain of salt because your life may not be the same as mine and what worked for me may not work for you. Life can be harsh and cruel, there are some people that will enter into your life and not be very nice to you. they will tease you, back stab you, some might even try to hurt you, theres nothing you can to about it except to learn to be strong and deal with these people. Choose friends that will treat you like gold, love you for you and be kind to you. When you find friends like this, never ruin it, treasure them, love them, serve them, and be kind to them. Sometimes in life you will not get what you want. There will be times when you just want something so bad and life takes a turn and wont let you have it. This is another "Harsh" way of the world. Dont let this dissapointment of not getting what you want push you down. Push through it. Learn to accept dissapointment, and still persue your dreams no matter what the downfall is. Turn negatives into possitive, and your attitude in life will improve. You will learn that love isnt forever sometimes. You will have to face abandonment and heartbreak from the ones you trust and love. As your mother I hope to not see this happen to much. There is nothing you can do about it except, to move on with your life and heal from those wounds. Like they say what doesnt kill you, hurts..but makes you so much stronger in the end. But although you may suffer dont let it discourage you or make you build a wall. Let people in, let them love you, do thingsyou have never done, new expieriences, new people, new things. You might get your heart smashed and broken 15 times, but you might find the most gorgeous sweet amazing girl on the 16th time. Never shut yourself out from love, you may be missing out on the most wonderful woman out there, being in love will be the happiest times in youe life. DONT miss out on it.Like I said earlier, you may get beat down, teased or bullied by the people that you meet but after meeting all those losers and mean people
you will find a great, TRUE friend. If you close yourself off to people because of the hurt.. you will eventually miss out on great people that will be there for you through the hardest time of your life. They will also create some of the best times of your life. In life, You will fail at times but you cant let that, stop you from trying, you will miss out on the feeling of success, I heard once from someone that Failure is the stepping stone to sucess, hold to that. Dont let life become a compitition for you, I learned that the hard way. At different times in your life you will meet people who will push to be better than you in school, college and work, to them life is all about getting one step ahead and life is all one big compitition, the way they stay happy is to be better than everyone else. LIFE IS NOT A COMPITITION. If you spend your life trying to be better than other people, You will miss out. If there is anything you should live your life by it should be love, I know it sounds corny but live your life by the the rule of love. Love your LIFE, love your Wife, love you children, Love your parents, love your friends just love them all with all of your heart. Give them all they need, Never show cruility, never show disappointed, nor dissaproval, or coldness. Love and open yourself up to them. Love not only those people but love your neighbors, your co-workers, the strangers that pass you by on the street, offer them a smile, a hug, ask how you can serve them. Love your enemies, love ALL of them. They may have wronged you, and hurt you, but Jayden im telling you now LOVE THEM, it takes to much energy and consumes your life to not love them. Forgive them and forget them. Jayden, Most of all I want you to love yourself, love who you are and love all of you. People may critisize you and bring you down, but you have to pick yourself up off the ground and just love and believe in yourself. Never think you are dumb, never think you are not good enough, and never forget that you are an amazing person thats derserves to be loved in return. Learn to love who you are and be who you are. I love you VERY much, You are starting out on a crazy bumpy road to life, and although it will be hard it will all be worth it. Ill be with you ever step of the way. You are a blessing in my life and I am so happy god gave you to me.

Love,
Mommy